We used to live in the mountains of India, the Himalayas, that you have all heard of and many of you have visited. One day, a prince from a nearby state, who was educated in Oxford, came to visit my Master with all his guards and secretaries. That morning I was standing outside the cave monastery where I was brought up. The prince came forward and said, “Come here, O brahmachari (apprentice). Come here.” I said, “What’s the matter? Who are you?” He said, “I want to see your Master.” I said, “You cannot see him. Don’t order me around and get out of this place.” So his secretary came forward and said, “Do you know he is a prince?” I said, “I don’t care. I am the prince of the Himalayas.” The secretary now became very humble, as did the prince,“Sir, can I please see your Master?” I said, “Ok.” My Master was sitting inside. The prince, affecting the mannerisms of polite society, said, “Good morning to you, sir. You seem to be lonesome.” My Master replied, “Yes, because you have come.”
Don’t forget who makes you lonesome, remember this point. Those who claim to love you make you lonesome. A foreigner, a stranger, does not make you lonesome. Who makes you lonesome? Those who are closest to you. Because you expect too much from others, and others do not have the capacity. Many young boys and girls think that marriage is the solution for life. It is not. It is like a fortress, those who are in it cannot come out and those who are out side want to get in, all with great suspense. One is a helpless state, another is state of suspension. In my opinion, we should all learn to understand something in our childhood and start training and teaching our children so that they understand something about life, learning to examine one’s own self, then learning to relate with others. We remain strangers to ourselves and yet we try to communicate in the external world with others and that is not helpful. It is creating sickness. I have been doing experiments, I have been analyzing things, I’ve been watching, observing things very subtly. What do we do in the name of love? In the name of love we use others, we lean on others, we, instead of helping, hurt others, we injure others, we become dependent. Dependency is a sort of disease.
When you get married, have four understandings with your partner. We will not fight in the mornings, we will not fight before going to bed, we will not fight while eating food, but the rest of the time if we want to fight, we can fight. It’s very injurious if you do not have such an understanding in life, such a simple agreement. If two people fight, I can stop their fight just like this. You know what I tell the wives? I don’t call them housewives, that’s a bad word. No woman is married to a house, so no one should be called a housewife. I tell them, please, when you are angry, the other person should understand that you are angry, and he should not lose his patience during that time. He should just remain quiet. Simple advice. When do you get angry? Not when you are balanced. You get angry when you are emotional, irrational. But what happens? Suppose you are angry, and then your wife also gets angry, and the children start crying, and even the neighbors also get involved, what will happen? This thought pollution that you are creating will go on expanding, spreading to the whole universe. So learn to understand that the individual family is something great, meant to radiate love to the neighbors, to the whole universe. And for that you need understanding. When your partner is upset, it is best to keep quiet. After sometime your partner says, “I’m sorry.” But if you go on fighting that is not therapeutic, that’s not healthy. I’m not saying that you should both sit in silence and not do anything. I’m saying two wheels of a chariot will lead the chariot in the same direction. And that is very good. Please fight but not all the time.
Don’t fight with a woman, for you will never win. You will be sorry if you fight with her. Once, Nancy Reagan, the wife of President Reagan began to cry after a fight they had. President Reagan, the President of the United States, who had the power to press a button that could destroy the whole world, begged his wife, “Please Nancy, please don’t cry. I, with all my powers, am at your disposal.” But Nancy wouldn’t stop. He used all his powers but he failed. Finally he started crying and Nancy said, “Don’t cry, my boy. Now, you know who the boss is.”
Reprinted from Conscious Living, an HIHT publication.