Family life is a training ground for children to learn to relate to others from the very beginning. If that training ground is disturbed, the children will also be disturbed and will remain so throughout their whole life. The education that is imparted by colleges and universities definitely has some use. But a child who has not been raised in a good family atmosphere, even after having attained the highest education, will not know how to relate to others.
There are some fundamental differences between family life in Eastern culture and family life in the West. Until recently family life in the East has been a higher calling and a more profound and meaningful experience than in the West. But the East has been gradually forgetting the true values of life that the ancient architects of its great culture had cultivated. The family institution of Eastern society still has many good points, but the beautiful, ancient cultural values of the East are slowly being overwhelmed by the irresistible charms of the modern world. Indian culture has many good qualities, and those qualities are the binding forces that keep families united. In Eastern culture, and especially in India, children are given abundant love and attention because most of the mothers are not working mothers. Those mothers who do work arrange for some member of the family to care for and look after the children. Babysitting in the East is not the same as babysitting in the West. In India relatives in the household, especially the grandmothers, are the family’s babysitters and raise the children. It is not acceptable to a child’s heart and mind to be handed over to a stranger.
Closeness between parent and child is deeper in India than in any other culture. However, this closeness can grow into attachment, and the misery that accompanies attachment can create obstacles for both parents and child. Our scriptures say, “Do not be attached. Learn to love.” We do not comprehend the meaning of these words because we are caught in the snares of attachment, and love remains unfulfilled. We suffer because we use many crutches, such as, “This is mine, this is mine, and this is mine.” This “mine-ness” leads us to an illusory sense of ownership and causes us to sink and vanish into the swamp of possessiveness and attachment. Indian children lack self-confidence because of their parents’ over protectiveness and attachment to them. This is a serious defect in family life in India. Indian parents foolishly become attached to their children and impose their ideas and expectations on them. The children are expected to literally follow in the footsteps of their parents and to revere their parents more than necessary. They are not allowed to speak, to express themselves, or to think according to their natural inclinations, but instead are taught to accept their parents’ ideas without any questioning or reasoning. Because of this lack of communication between the parents and the children, the children feel a lifelong pressure to live up to their parents’ expectations. This constricted interaction hinders the development of the children’s own talents and personality, and the potentials for development become stunted by fear and insecurity. Indian parents must overcome these tendencies toward possessiveness and attachment to their children because they create serious obstacles in social, mental, and spiritual life. They should encourage freedom and spontaneity in their children rather than tightly clinging to them. Parents should teach their children to gradually become more and more independent because every child must fly from the nest sooner or later.
Reprinted from Let the Bud of Life Bloom, an HIHT publication.